


Have a very RWBY Christmas!

by Deamon_Hunter



Category: RWBY
Genre: Christmas, Comedy, Crack, Drunken Flirting, Fluff, Kleptomania, Multi, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 09:43:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8974642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deamon_Hunter/pseuds/Deamon_Hunter
Summary: Christmas, a time for Port to confuse Krampus for Santa, Yang to wear a santa costume, Emerald to steal things, Mercury to cry (while stuffing his face with ice-cream), Cinder to do evil stuff and Ozpin to get in a few laughs. Yeah, Raye is going to have a Ho-Ho-HELL of a time this year. M for language. Part of the RWBY Meets World AU (but can be read as a standalone piece).





	

I do not own RWBY

Please enjoy responsibly.

Excessive use may cause confusion, fatigue, mild cases of insanity, laughter, addiction to Crack stories and other, yet undecided conditions.

* * *

_Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the apartment nothing was stirring, not even a mouse. The stockings were hung from the balcony with something resembling care, with Ruby hoping Saint Nicholas would soon be there._

_The huntresses (and criminals) were nestled all snug in their beds_

_While visions of guns, cookies, and maybe sugar plums danced / battled in their heads._

_With Yang resting with Blake (Thank you tequila shots), and a book in my lap_

_Everyone had finally (Four A.M.!) FINALLY settled down for a long winter's nap._

And then God Damn Peter Port had to crash through my fucking window.

Seriously, It had been four months! Four months! Since Salem and Ozpin assigned me the job of dealing with huntresses, a homicidal flame blasting criminal her kleptomaniac and Egomaniac lackeys, a Soldier (sorry "special operative") with a stick up her ass, and that's just the beginning!

Needless to say, any concept of getting sleep was gone. Glass and wood sprayed all over my bed, as Peter Port landed in a roll.

"What the hell?" I exclaimed, bolting out of bed, swearing as I stepped on a small shard of glass. Sure, my aura made sure it didn't actually cut me, but it still sucked nonetheless.

I rubbed the sleep from my eyes as big broad hands grabbed my shoulders, and in a manner fitting for the bastard I was dealing with, started to shake me as if I was a cocktail, shaken, not stirred.

"Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas my boy! Are you ready to begin distributing the presents?"

"Huh?" I ask when he finally stops shaking me, presumably so I could answer.

I looked at Peter Port, The man is dressed in a bright red suit. No, It was not a Santa suit; that would have been fitting. No, this was a bright red suit. A white shirt and green tie completed the get up, only to be topped by a red fedora with a white stripe.

Honestly, Maybe Roman could have pulled it off. But Port? Not in a million years.

A slap on the back (although a bone-crushing slam may have been a more fitting descriptor) knocked me out of my thought process.

"Now where are the gifts? Krampus can't give out gifts if there aren't any!"

Now that got my attention. "Port, Krampus doesn't give out gifts, Santa does." I say blearily.

The man paused, his moustache shifting, how he does that I still don't know, maybe it's a hunter thing.

He shrugged, his brow scrunching up. "Don't be a fool! I read-up on Christ mass! It's part of my job! Ozpin explained it all."

I groaned "Christmas, is a holiday where Santa Claus gives gifts to good children, Krampus punishes bad ones."

"The Onion was quite specific! I made sure to read up on it!" he said, showing me a scroll image of a newspaper article.

"Port." I begin.

'Yes?" he asks jovially.

"Do you know what satire is?"

"Of course I do! Do _you_ know what Satire is?"

"I do not have the fucking time for this." I say turning back to my glass strewn bed. "Excuse me while I get my hour of sleep before Ruby knocks down my door again to get me up to celebrate." I raise the blanket and move to slip inside the warm embrace of my bed.

Unfortunately Krampus decided I had been a bad manchild. Port grabbed me by the back of my undershirt and yanked me from the bed.

'A true hunter needs no sleep!"

"I'm not a hunter." I deadpan.

"And it's high time you start acting like one! Now! Where are the presents?"

"They're in the closet, all wrapped up." I replied, praying that the man would take the presents, jump out the window and leave me the hell alone.

Somehow, Ruby still believed in Santa, it had taken some time to actually believe that one. I had assumed she just wanted me to buy more gifts. But Yang had taken me aside and told me the truth. The horrible truth, she didn't have the heart to tell Ruby Santa didn't exist. I also found out they **had** a Santa in Remnant until quite recently (thank Ozpin for the past tense). He gave gifts on Festivus, which, surprisingly, had no relation to the Holiday Parody of the same name.

Needless to say, Yang and I trudged out in the cold, icy rain to buy presents for everyone. A tea set for Blake, Several puzzles for Weiss, hair conditioner for Yang, and a magic set for Cinder, jewelry for Winter (not that she would wear it), among others. Ozpin, Glynda and Qrow were supposed to show up to celebrate so we got them gifts too.

We had gotten back without a hitch and we (read: Yang) had decided it was best if the presents were hidden in my room. Which leads us back to Port.

He whipped the sliding door out flinging it into the wall behind me. I hit the floor to avoid the flying object made of wood. It splintered as it struck the wall. As I got up I watched Port dump all the presents into a large sack. At least he had part of the Santa myth correct.

"Now to give them out!" He said marching towards the door. "Come on Randolph! We must go!"

'My name's not Randolph." I mutter as I follow him, Realizing that there was no sleep for me.

As he opens the door he freezes.

"Yo!" A voice says surprise clear in the tone. I poke me head out from behind Port. Observing a blonde huntress in an extremely skimpy Santa suit. I'm talking sash and mini-skirt skimpy with long, knee length boots and a Santa hat.

'Yang?"

There was silence followed by a weak "yeah?"

'Where are you in a skimpy Santa Suit?"

'It was the only one they had!"

Snickering beside her was not ignored.

'And Ms. Belladonna! What a pleasure!" Port roared. As he drew the girl into a hug.

"What?" Yang said quietly. Shocked as Blake flailed for air, being slowly crushed by the giant man's Bear hug.

* * *

Blake

Ten minutes previously

_When under us there arose such a clatter I leapt from my bed to see what was the matter. To the Balcony I flew in a flash_

_Opening the windows, hearing a loud crash_

_The moon glowed on the new falling snow_

_Giving luster to the ruined and smashed cars in scrap heaps below_

_What should my wide eyes should be there?_

_but a red and white bullhead, and several ursas and bears._

"I have to be hallucinating." I mutter

"What is going on?" Yang asked as she walked up beside me, wrapping an arm around my waist and putting another on my shoulder. She kissed my cheek.

'C'mon, nothing big is going on, it's the night before Christmas, something is _bound_ to happen." She said sleepily, not even glancing as the Ursas battled the bears in the street.

An alarm blared behind us, my ears whipped down at the high pitched beeping. How I hated those alarms, I know why they are necessary, that doesn't mean I like them.

Yang stiffened. "Oh Crap!" She yelped. Scrambling away. I immediately missed her warmth. I turned to watch her scramble to open the closet, nearly tearing the thing off its hinges as she whipped it open.

'What's the matter?" I asked calmly (I'm used to Yang by now). I walked dup beside her, deftly dodging as clothes fly out of the closet.

"I need to get dressed! Where is the Santa suit?"

"Santa Suit?" I ask.

'Ruby!" yang reminds me.

'Oh." I say, pausing as the comment sinks in. "OH." I scramble to help. Pulling out a plastic bag with a picture of Santa on the outside. Yang tears it open and pulls out the costume.

'You have got to be kidding me."

"Sexy Santa, for all your beloved's Christmas fantasies." I translate.

"It said that in English?" yang exclaimed in disbelief.

"No, I translated it."

"You can read Japanese?" Even more disbelief in her voice.

I roll my eyes "I need to read." I say. Yang gives me a smile.

"You need your ideas." The innuendo clear.

"No." I say giving her an icy glare.

"Did you find the next book of Ninjas of love?"

'Yang, get in your Santa suit and give Ruby her presents." I order.

"On it!" She says, quickly pealing off her clothes and swapping into the costume.

Moments later we were out the door into the frigid air. I was still in my yukata. It was comfortable, but not necessarily warm. So with more than a little haste we pushed onwards Towards Raye's apartment.

Yang raised her arm t knock on the door but it opened before she could. Out came Professor Port in a red suit, and Oobleck's green tie.

Raye's head popped out from behind Port, he looked exhausted, heavy bags beneath his eyes.

"Yang?" He asked

There was silence followed by a weak "yeah?" from Yang, trying to shrink into nothing.

'Where are you in a skimpy Santa Suit?"

'It was the only one they had!"

I started to snicker. Yang shot me a look of betrayal.

'And Ms. Belladonna! What a pleasure!" Port roared. As he drew me into an embrace that would have killed an ursa.

Instinct took over, I hissed and struggled to free myself from the hug. He smelled of Dogs mixed with dried blood. Don't know what those smell like? Good for you, they're horrible, and the effect compounds when they're combined.

Finally, my valiant struggle succeeded, and I was able to sleep from his grasp. I immediately moved to keep an obstacle between us, namely Yang.

Port laughed. "And what are you too huntresses doing at this hour? Excited about your gifts from Krampus?"

"I thought Santa gave gifts." Yang said, confused.

"He does!" Raye shouted unhelpfully.

"Bah! Don't listen to the pleb, he's not even a real hunter yet!"

"I'm not training to be a hunter!"

"And that needs to change! We'll start your regimen tomorrow!" Port began, spinning round and slamming leather sack straight into Yang's face. Yang tumbled.

I rushed over to yang cradling my partner. As I helped her up.

"Now we have to get these Presents to their proper homes!" Port said, spinning around and clubbing Raye in the head. I pointed out at nothing in particular "Onwards!" He roared, marching out of the apartment. Yang and I stood and followed, yang-helping Raye back up.

"I hate that man." Raye muttered, venom dripping from his voice.

"No you don't, you're just lacking coffee." Yang cooed.

'Xiao-Long patronize me again and I will make sure you regret it." Raye threatened, holding his face where he had been brutally clubbed by a leather sack.

Yang laughed off the threat. There was no actual rage behind it. Besides, what could an ordinary person do to threaten a huntress?

Flashbacks of the hair dye incident flashed through my mind. I made a note to inform Raye to avoid messing with Yang's hair. Or tell him to mess with Yang's hair, it would be sweet, sweet revenge for the commercial mess from last month.

Little did any of us know at the time, but we were not the only one's awake, Emerald was as well, and it was about to make our Christmas hell.

* * *

Meanwhile, with Emerald

"Emerald? Did you take your medicine?" Mercury asked cautiously. Sitting next to me on the ledge as we causally watched Blake be crushed by her fat teacher.

I gave him a glare and proceeded to pickpocket his wristwatch.

"Em, I need my wristwatch." He said glancing down at his wrist a moment later.

"Who said I have it? I don't have it! I never saw your wristwatch!"

Mercury gave me a deadpan glare, He's too smart for his own good, or maybe he just knows me too well.

I gently gave him back his watch. "I was going to give it back anyway." I muttered, Mercury snorted.

"Anyway, We have to get those presents for Cinder." I said, changing the subject.

"Or we could have gotten jobs, there's a café downtown that would have killed to have a foreign girl."

"I am not working at a maid café." I replied, shivering at the thought. They were crowded and the French maid dresses made it hard to hide wallets that I would pickpocket off of the suckers.

Mercury shrugged. "Maids are hot."

"Exactly how many fetishes do you have?" I asked, wondering how many this made.

"That you know of?" Mercury put a finger to his chin, deep in thought "Forty-six."

I almost gagged. He had at least a dozen fetishes that had to do with Maids, another dozen with cosplay, something about shoulders, and that was just the _unusual ones_. That I KNEW OF!

'How many do you have?" I asked, stunned as he looked at me with a grin

"More than you could possibly imagine." He replied. I gritted my teeth.

"Anyway lets get those gifts. We can give Cinder the greatest Christmas ever!"

I went to move before Mercury grabbed my arm. I turned to stare at him. He held his hand out, a frown on his face. "Tch, fine." I groan, handing the idiot his wallet. He released me and I leapt off the ledge we were sitting on. A grin on my face.

"Emerald! Give me back my shoes!" I hear behind me. The tumble behind me tells me he discovered the other thing a certainly did not steal."

"I need that to move my legs Em!"

I ignore the voice. It's time to get Cinder the greatest Christmas gifts ever!

* * *

Raye

"I will get repaid for this." I say to Blake and Yang, both of whom were currently hiding behind Port.

"Nonsense my boy! Facing your fears is the first part of becoming a hunter." Port said hiding behind a fireproof shield he had somehow fit into the sack.

"I'm pretty sure fear of getting roasted alive is a legitimate thing." I say.

"Raye! Raye! He's the man! If he can't do it nobody can!" Yang cheered jokingly.

"We could always just call Jaune." Blake pointed out. Ignoring the fact that team JNPR wasn't showing up until the New Year.

"Yeah, but Pyrrha would kill us."

'Fair enough."

I ignore the chatter behind me; it will only make me more depressed. What I would do for some coffee right now. I'd probably tug Yang's hair for some, yes I was _that_ tired. No reason to deny it.

I lethargically rapped my fist on the door.

"Cinder? You awake?" I ask weakly, praying that there would be no answer. Instead, the door slowly opened Cinder stood there scowling menacingly. In her hand was a flame. She was in pajama bottoms, black with flames going up one leg and a crimson colored T-shirt.

She glared at me, her hair frizzled and heavy bags under her eyes.

"Mercury, If you-" She pauses, recognition flooding her face, she looked at me a moment later a faint smile played on her face. "A little late to ask for the rent don't you think?"

"Yeah right." I said holding out a box wrapped red paper with a gold bow. "Ho, ho ho, Merry Christmas."

She looks at the box, a strange expression on her face, as if getting a Christmas present had never even occurred to her (admittedly, she is a villain so she wouldn't be getting a lot of gifts anyway). She took the box gingerly glancing at it as she held it at about face height. She lowered it slowly.

"Thank you for the gift." She said the tone of her voice a distinct difference from the smile on her face. She looked like she was in control, be she sounded less certain. She stepped out of the doorway and into her foyer. "Would you like to come in?" She asked.

I opened my mouth to refuse, but Krampus had a different plan.

"He'd love to!" Port roared shoving me into Cinders apartment. I almost tripped over my own feet as I struggled to remain standing.

"Make it a night to remember!" Yang called out as the door shut behind me.

"Not quite the reaction I was expecting from them…" Cinder mused using her fingers to stroke her hair. She turned to me. "Egg nog? We might as well talk since we have the opportunity."

"Does it have rum?" I ask.

"Why wouldn't it?" Cinder asked, honestly curious.

"Then yes please." I replied.

* * *

Yang

And then I slammed the door on Raye, giving him and cinder some alone time. Really, I should have thought of bringing along some mistletoe, but where the hell would I have put it? It wasn't like this Santa Suit thing had pockets after all.

Port chuckled "Thatta boy! Now he's acting like a true hunter! I'm sure it will be a wonderful Christ mass for him!"

"Him and Cinder? They'll talk politics." Blake replied with a huff.

"Yeah, I don't think even Raye is that crazy."

Port spun around staring at the two huntresses closely. "Would you like to make that a bet?" He asked, pulling out several hundred lien.

And that is how the Christmas betting pool started. Sadly, It is now closed, so don't try and get in on it. Although someone went home very rich.

"Three hundred on Cinder taking the lead." I said. Holding out my hand. Port shook it.

"I will hold you to that Miss Xiao-long." He then turned to Blake, who was trying to look anywhere but at us.

"Ms. Belladonna?"

"Why should I take part in this? It's not like their actually going to do anything."

I saw a chance and leaned in. "It's like in your books, Dark mysterious woman, naïve young man, she sees the potential, they start talking…" I whisper sultrily in her ear. Her cat ears stand ramrod straight, a blush growing on her face.

"Four on nothing happening tonight." She said, ignoring Port's moan. With that we continued our trip back to the staircase.

"You really that confident they won't click Blakey?"

Blake grinned. It was the grin when she had something planned, usually something good, very good.

"Yang, I didn't say nothing will _ever_ happen, I just said nothing will happen _tonight_."

"Oh." Was my response.

"Come now!" Port shouted at us. "We have more presents to give! Krampus rests for no man, woman or child!" he pushed open the stairwell door. "Rudolph and Cinder have their gifts!"

'Who's Rudolph?" I ask as I approach with Blake.

"How can you not know it's-yargh!"

"Professor!" Blake exclaimed, rushing to the stairwell.

Port was okay; a simple strike to the head was all. Strange, maybe Emerald was dumping garbage down the stairwell again.

"Yang, we have a problem."

"Does port have a concussion?" I asked.

Blake pointed at the empty staircase. "The presents are gone."

"FUCK!"

* * *

Roman

Things were going very well, very well indeed. Christmas? Who needs Christmas? It's a waste of money buying presents that nobody really wants.

So guess what happened when Emerald came crashing into my room with a sack full of presents?

I saw a business opportunity.

"Mwah hahahahhahah! Now I have all the presents! Cinder will have the best Christmas ever!

I also made note to advise Raye to get Emerald a therapist, my experiences with her kleptomania had caused me enough problems.

"What are you up to Emerald? Have you taken your medicine today?"

Emerald spun around, Eyes wild as she scrambled to see who had spoken to her. I stood leaning against a wall, arms crossed.

Just like the badass that I was.

'What do you want? I'm not giving the wallet back!" She said savagely. I raised my hand sin surrender. Before I let the rest of her comment sink in.

"When did you take my wallet?" I ask.

Emerald shifted her eyes side to side. "Never…"

I shook my head; this was why I hated dealing with kids, or Raye before he had his coffee. Somehow that always put him in a better mood. Keeping that stocked through my yakuza gru- legitimate underground lackeys was enlightened

self-interest.

"Anyway, why did you crash through my window, hauling a Santa sized sack of presents?"

"No reason!" Emerald replied _oh so innocently_ (if you can't read the amount of sarcasm in that you need your head fixed).

I laughed, how could I not? She was good at lying on her meds, but absolutely sucked off of them.

"I didn't steal anything! What are you talking about?"

At that I curled over with laughter, she was such an idiot.

The door to my apartment opened and shut. I looked up. Boiling rage replaced my humor. Not only had the girl up and left, but also she had taken something of mine. And she hadn't listened to my business opportunity! _Nobody_ takes something of mine and gets away with it. Nobody ignores my Business opportunities!

I charged towards the front door, wrenching it open and peeling out after her.

"Give me back my Hat! And my eyeliner!"

* * *

Blake

I watched as Yang went from disbelief, (the part with mild swearing), the shock (with heavy swearing) to complete horror (Where she starts tugging at her hair) In the matter of a few seconds.

'What are we going to do? It's too late to go and buy new presents, and we wouldn't have time to wrap them anyway."

Yang was now muttering plans to herself about how to keep Ruby believing in Santa, it was strangely amusing, since her sanest plan somehow included her repelling down the side of our apartment building.

I surrendered my face to the amused smirk that was growing. I could see the relation between Ruby and Yang now. Clearly the hyperactivity came from the Xiao-Long side. How had I not noticed it before?

"Yang, relax." I said calmly. "We can just ask Raye, I'm sure he can whip up some cookies or something."

'But Raye is currently winning me a bet! I can't interrupt him!" Yang explained frantically. She started to pace, fire licking at her heels.

"We'll just have to catch emerald. How hard can that be?"

'She's a world class thief with illusion powers."

"Yeah, your right, it probably will be pretty easy."

'Yang, did you hear a word I said?"

She looked at me, her eyes crazed, "We find Mercury, we find Emerald. So we just need to go to their apartment."

"And if they're not there?"

"Stop using logic!" Yang exclaimed, grabbing my arm and charging up the stairs.

After several falls, cracks, screams and other unpleasantness we got to the fourth floor (how that took us five minutes is beyond me). Yang finally released me form her iron grip and proceeded to knock on Mercury's door.

By knock I mean punch holes in.

The door crumbled easily enough, and Yang barged through the wreckage, I followed, horrified of what I would see.

Mercury eating a tub of ice cream was unexpected.

"Uh, Merc?" Yang asked unexpectedly.

"Whatta ya want?" He drawled, leaning forward to reveal a bottle of hard liquor.

"What is going on?" I asked nobody in particular.

Mercury pointed is spoon at me. "I'll tell ya what's goin on. Emerald abandoned me. Me best pal, my strategy for stress relief, everything, up and ran with my shoes!"

"What?" Yang asked, the confusion on her face apparent.

"She stole my shoes! No betrayal has ever been so horrible! Jesus and Judas! Octavian and Antony, Caesar and …"

"Brutus?" I supplied.

"Yeah, that loser." Merc agreed, falling back n the ground, his robotic legs clear for everyone to see.

"I don't know who any of those people are, but clearly this has you twisted up." Yang reached for the ice cream, only to rear back as Mercury snarled and waved the spoon in her face.

'Mine! Mine! You don't get any of my bubble gum ice cream!" He howled, flailing the spoon back and forth, spraying chunks of ice cream all over the room. Yang and I grimaced, it was actually quite disgusting.

"Yang, I think he's really drunk."

"How'd you guess that?" Yang asked sarcasm dripping form her voice.

"The bottle of Gin." I replied.

Mercury dropped the ice cream tub on the floor and wearily turned to pick up the bottle of gin.

"Emerald, sweet little Emerald, she stole this from Raye's freezer her fifth day here." He cooed. Petting the mostly empty gin bottle.

Yang leaned over to me "I think he has a thing for emerald." I rolled my eyes. If even Yang could see that, when three years of me flirting with her didn't get us anywhere until two months ago, then it clearly was even worse than I thought.

Yang grinned and went over to him.

"I think someone caught the love bug." She hummed.

Mercury looked at her. "Is it contagious? I don't want it, it doesn't sound fun."

"I swear he must be a child." I said, not-snorting in contempt

'I'll tell you I am a grown man! I have scored more than most people twice my age! I'm a real man!"

"Yang, please bash him over the head."

"Blake…"

'Nobody would mind, I don't even think Emerald would complain. Maybe it'll fix some of his problems"

Of course, at the mention of Emerald, Mercury started to scream and wail again. Sobbing into Yang's jacket as she hauled him up and dumped him in his bed.

"She didn't take her meds! Why wouldn't she listen to me! I told her to! I'm a good friend, I told her every day: take your meds! I swear I did! Don't tell Cinder she didn't take them, don't tell her!"

"I won't Merc, I won't." Yang said in a hushed voice as she tucked mercury into bed, his head lolling to one side.

"Do you know where Emerald is?" I asked gently.

"Getting Cinder presents, Port had lots of 'em." He said, sniffling as he did so.

Yang and I shared a glance. Yang leaned back a pained expression on her face.

"I'm gonna owe you money aren't I?" She whined. I grinned.

"Yes, so much money."

* * *

Raye

I was drunk, very drunk. How much Rum was in this eggnog? Probably not a lot, but one glass led to another, which led to moaning about specific people in the apartment which led to more eggnog which then led to us sitting on the floor drunkenly playing cards. All while drinking even more eggnog.

Yes, I was playing cards (specifically go fish) with a very drunk Cinder Fall. Again, I was very, very drunk.

Strange the way the world works isn't it?

And I was probably the most relaxed I had been in a month. Granted, tomorrow I would have the mother of all hangovers, but right now, I was having fun. I didn't have to worry about Yang and Blake wrecking something. Qrow using his weapon as a plunger, Roman hiding a yakuza boss in his apartment or Ruby using her floorboards to improve the layout of her and Weiss's apartment.

The fact I was with a genocidal evil sociopath, who thought nothing of using other people, and then killing said other people for her own gain didn't even cross my mind.

"Do you have any fours?"

Cinder laughed, it was gentle but deep. "Go fish." She said, grinning. Her cheeks were flush and tinged red, her eyes slightly glazed, clearly I was not the only one a teensy bit drunk.

"Do you have any kings?"

I pulled a card out of my hand and gave it to her. She took it with a "thanks" before setting the pair of kings aside.

"Do you have an queens?"

"Do you mean Salem?" Cinder asked. The grin on her face making it clear she was teasing me.

I laughed. Damn, it felt good.

"Go fish." She said at last, tucking a loose hair behind her ear.

I picked up the card without much thought. The queen of diamonds stared me in the face, I shrugged as I pulled the queen from my hand and placed the pair in a pile.

"We should do this more often." Cinder said

"Get drunk and play games?"

"Talk."

I put my hand down and looked at her.

Looking down, she blushed slightly, probably from the alcohol. "I admit I wasn't the most welcome of guests. But I think we have since come to have an…" She trailed off, trying to find the right words. "Amicable relationship."

I opened my mouth to reply, only to be stopped by a raised hand.

"It has give and take, I help you deal with the antics and fallout of RWBY and JNPR and in return, you make it clear what lines can't be crossed in this country, as well as help smooth things over when Emerald or Mercury make a mess."

I remained silent, I wasn't really sure what to say, was this confession time? Was she going to say more? What was going on?

"Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you, and hoped that we could be friends."

Wait, did Cinder just ask us to be friends? Cinder Fall, Cinder Fall wants to be friends? Alarm bells rang in my head, but perhaps unwisely I ignored them. My knowledge of the RWBYverse was fairly good, but the Cinder in front of me had never initiated the attack on the Vytal Festival, or the fall of Beacon, she still had both her eyes and her voice. Emerald was actually a kleptomaniac. Ruby was allergic to strawberries and Blake had never dated Sun. Could Cinder actually be that _different_ in reality? I simply didn't get it.

"I'd like that, I'd like that a lot." I said dumbly, I held my hand out. Cinder smiled slightly and shook it.

Who knows, maybe that was the start of a beautiful friendship, maybe it wasn't. Cinder began to say something more, leaning closer and opening her mouth to speak one last secret or something.

I never found out what, mostly because Emerald crashed straight through Cinder's window.

* * *

Cinder

Everything was going according to plan. Raye wasn't a fool who could be won over with some batted eyes and a smile. Flirting hardly worked either, a surprising thing to be sure. Over time I realized exactly why Ozpin had conceded to allowing us to pursue him. Teams RWBY and JNPR were basically already in relationships. Emerald and Mercury had something on the side. The calculus went that the only one actually available was myself, and that I wouldn't be able to seduce him. I presumed Winter was an unexpected Variable, but if she had any chance with him, she had wasted it when she had accidently sunk the ferry. Raye had been furious; he had needed to swim to work for several days, Swim!

I probably should have offered to fly him over, but him being angry with Winter Schnee was more useful than him being thankful to me.

My first attempts at flirting failed. Raye was a skilled chef, and I imagined the way to his heart (or puppet strings if you will) were through his stomach. My early flirting attempts began with that. Later ones were more… direct. Embarrassingly so.

Ignorance to such things could not be summed up to mere obliviousness. Raye either did not find me attractive (impossible) or simply thought he wasn't at my level and thus (correctly) imagined I was toying with him. Of course, believing I was toying with him would lead to resentment, making being here more difficult rather than less.

As such, I had changed tactics. The lonely girl tactic was working well, and offering him friendship seemed to work well. He was profoundly drunk, mostly because I swapped most of our eggnog with a dash of rum for rum with a dash of eggnog. Why did I do that? Quite simple actually, I clearly have a much higher alcohol tolerance than him, so while he was actually drunk I just had to pretend to be drunk.

Yes, I was pretending to be drunk, there was no possible way I was actually drunk. No way at all.

'I'd like that. I'd like that a lot." Raye said, holding out his hand. I had to stop myself from laughing at how easy this had been. Certainly four months of expressing (false) interest was a new record for me, but tonight I would push him a little more strongly into my corner.

Now I simply had to imply that I might want to be more than just friends.

I leaned forward, preparing some simple line, just sultry enough to imply something, but give him only the vaguest of ideas.

Then the window to my room shattered.

* * *

Emerald

I was in!

"Merry Christmas Cinder!"

A fire blast shot over my head. I glanced round, seeing who had a fire semblance.

"What are you doing here Emerald?" Cinder snarled. Staring at me.

I glanced at her before tossing the sack at the buffoon next to her. The sack struck him in the face with a satisfying "thunk" followed by a moan from him as he fell backwards. Not that it really mattered, but what was he doing there? Cinder was mine! Mine I say! Nobody will take her from me!

And that was when the door to the apartment was blasted down. Ice hurled inside. I leapt out of the way, the ice flying out the window.

Weiss Schnee, flanked by Winter marched into the apartment, Yang and Blake follow behind, and On Yang's back is a sleeping Ruby, wrapped in a blanket. It was big a fluffy and green. It made Ruby look less like a dumb happy go lucky idiot, and more like a cute girl. But no, Green was my Color! Mine! Nobody would steal it from me!

"I want it." I say, keeping my eyes centered on the green blanket. "The blanket shall be mine!" I charged forward leaping after the blanket that was wrapped around Ruby. It shall be mine! It shall be the prize of my collection! Cinder will love it!

* * *

Ozpin, Several hours later

"And that is how I took down our mysterious thief with a toothpick!" Port finished.

" I still think she just hit her head." Weiss commented.

'Then how do you explain the toothpick?" Ruby argued, rubbing sleep from her eyes.

"Does it really matter?" Raye asked shrugging as he took yet another swig of coffee.

I smiled, drinking my cup of coffee.

"Thank you for the entertaining story Peter." I say calmly. Port grumbled about how it should be a learning experience.

It is clear to me that this morning was quite the adventure for them.

Glynda Qrow and I arrived at about 7:00 to find Ms. Sustrai tied to the railing by a variety of power cords, duct tape and Ice. Concerns were raised about the risk of hypothermia, but even Cinder shrugged. Dealing with her own hangover as well as Raye and Mr. Black were dealing with theirs, not particularly well.

Qrow had later quipped that we should put Emerald in a skimpy nurses uniform, an idea I whole heartedly agreed with, but had the sense and willpower not to say. The idea was shot down when Winter froze him solid, Cinder ignited his pants and Glynda threw him out the broken window of Cinder's apartment. It was clear evidence that no one deals with hangovers or sleep deprivation well.

Little did I know it was Raye's first Rum based hangover. Qrow, with a disturbing amount of glee, gave him a very specific hangover cure, something using some particularly rancid ingredients, the reaction was immediate, and so extreme that Mr. black and Miss Fall decided it would be better to pop some Ibuprofen and deal with their hangovers the old fashioned way: suffer through it.

So now we sat in a café while the apartment was repaired. It was warm and cozy. The café fit all of us comfortably as we got a variety of drinks. Tea for Glynda and Miss Belladonna, Hot cocoa for Miss Xiao-Long and Miss Rose, and coffee for the rest of us. Raye had specifically ordered a coffee from Ireland, a decision I copied garnering strange looks from the boy.

It was minty, but had a certain heat as it went down my throat; I wonder what is in it?

"So, are we going to start opening presents?" Ruby asked, bouncing in her chair with excitement.

Glynda nodded. "That would be for the best." She said dryly, as if finally yielding to Ms. Rose's endless energy for presents.

Or maybe she meant that if we didn't she would send the child back to detention, or worse, stick her in heels again.

Either way, Peter dragged out the giant sack.

"Krampus has gifts for all of you!" He sang out.

"For the last time Port, It's Santa, not Krampus!" Raye moaned, his tone implying that he already surrendered that point.

"Don't be like that! I gave you the best Christmas present of all!" Peter- er Krampus said with a waggle of his eyebrows. I took a sip of my coffee, it would have to ask him about that later, and it wouldn't be any good to lose _that_ particular bet.

I now had several thousand lien on it after all.

Ms. Rose squealed as Peter handed her a box with red wrapping. As soon as it was in her hands, the air was filled with the shredded remains of wrapping paper. I made a mental note to give Miss Rose all my classified documents that needed shredding, she was better at this than my actual shredder, and I'd save an arm and a leg on the electric bills.

She squealed in delight as She unveiled a box of Tim Tams, an Australian cookie covered in chocolate.

"Cookies!" She squealed through a mouth already stuffed with cookies. When cookies were around she seemed to squeal a lot

Miss Xiao Long chuckled before accepting her own present from Peter. Gently tearing open the wrapping she pulled out a new brush. And hair conditioner giving a sidelong look at Raye she smiled. "That's so nice of you Krampus. Just what I needed after the last one broke." Peter chuckled, not getting any of the sarcasm.

Miss Schnee and Miss belladonna opened theirs, a set of puzzles and a tea set. Winter Schnee got jewelry, which she politely thanked Krampus for before putting it in her pocket, much to the noted disappointment of Raye and Miss Xiao Long. The hung-over Miss Fall got a magic set, which she promptly set on fire as Peter tried to force the poor hunched over woman to take the box from him. The fact that she had said "later" several times before setting the box on fire was a notable improvement in my book.

Lastly, Qrow, Glynda and I got presents. Qrow's was probably the most fitting, a flask with "Best intentions" engraved on it.

"Oh yeah, this is going to rock!" Qrow said with a smile. Clearly imagining exactly what sort of toxic liquor he would put in it.

Glynda got a box of pills. The fact that they were titled "chill pills" clearly sent a message. Miss Weiss Schnee, Miss Belladonna and Raye stared at Miss Xiao-Long, who chuckled gently. "A gag gift?" She proposed before looking at Glynda.

Glynda tried to force a smile on her face, "We shall talk about this later Miss Xiao-Long." She said politely, evidently plotting a fitting punishment.

Then I opened mine.

"A coffee mug?" I asked.

'Not just any coffee mug, it came all the way from Japan." Raye said, with a hint of pride, or was that sarcasm, it was so hard to tell with him.

"But you live in Japan." I replied evenly.

"Professor, It is the thought that counts." Miss Rose chided. She chided me! Me! Then she pointed at her sister, "But that really is a bad present. He has like a dozen coffee mugs already."

"I had no time to get over the shock before I heard Miss Rose gasp.

"Raye! How did you know the mug is from Japan?" She exclaimed.

The look on Raye's face was priceless. Yang was panicking, Blake and Weiss had widened Eyes and Qrow looked about ready to kill someone.

"I uh, uh… I know Santa!" Raye said desperately trying to explain away the accident. He was so much nicer after he had his coffee, but He could also be a bit of an idiot. Nobody would believe that.

"Really?" Ruby asked, a sense of awe in her voice reminding me of how she talked when she saw a new weapon. Clearly I stand corrected, only Ruby Rose would believe that.

"Uh… yeah, Yang And I called him and told him exactly what everyone wanted."

Ruby turned back and forth between a sister who had lost all color from her face and Raye, who had no idea what was going on.

"What's he like? Is he as fat as he is in the pictures? Is he tall? Is he short? Doe she like tea of coffee?" The questions flew out of Ruby's mouth at a mile a minute; Raye sank into his chair, his head in his hands. Yang was hiding under the table.

"Now, that's no way to behave." I told Yang.

"This is all Raye's fault." Yang muttered bitterly.

I chuckled glancing back at the man who looked to be searching for a way to escape. It was amusing to say the least. And once again, I was glad I had started this gam- er, experiential learning trip.

* * *

Weiss

Ruby had been excited that Raye knew Santa, and had more or less been pestering him for the entire day about it.

"Today was a lot of fun!" Ruby cheered, plopping onto her bed with a laugh.

"It was," I agreed. Smiling at the memories.

"I just wish they would stop claiming Santa brought the gifts. Yang still treats me like such a kid at times." Ruby muttered, a hint of disappointment in her voice.

I went over to the sink tow ash my hands. "Its something of a sibling tradition after you found your dad stuffing gifts under the tree right?"

"Yep!" Ruby agreed "If I didn't pester Raye about it we would have ruined the tradition. I kinda feel bad, do you think he's angry?"

"Probably not." I lied easily "Besides you should enjoy the tradition. It means more gift giving for everyone."

Maybe I was defending yang a little too much. For all her faults, and horrible puns, I could never claim Yang wasn't a caring sister who knew exactly what her sister wanted. Raye would kill her when she revealed the Santa thing was just a sibling tradition. He had left the Café on the brink of tears.

With that thought I began contemplating whether she would enjoy my present. Ruby had given me mine earlier in the day, but mine couldn't be moved as easily, and I didn't want to risk damaging it in the mess that came with Christmas. The fact that I wasn't really sure I wanted everyone to see the first Christmas gift I had ever given a non-family member was a part of it too. RWBY and JNPR usually did a secret Santa, but that was it. No personal presents, just the secret Santa, both because it saved everyone money, and hiding presents from yang and Nora were like trying to hide cookies or strawberries from Ruby: Completely and utterly impossible.

" I have a gift for you." I said as I entered our bedroom area, I turned and opened our closet, pulling out a box. It was well wrapped, a great benefit of the Japanese cultural practice and expectation of appealing packaging. The wrapping was black with red stripes, topped with a red bow. I had had to insist on those colors, and the color of the contents. It had all been custom ordered. It had been expensive, but I was absolutely certain it was worth it, even if the result, according to Raye (who in my defense is not Japanese) may not be viewed as culturally fitting.

Ruby uncharacteristically gently undid the package, revealing a white cardboard box. A small note was attached, her eyes wide she gently picked it up as if it was made of glass.

"Merry Christmas Ruby." I said, apprehensive but also excited at what I had gotten her.

Ruby opened the box. "Weiss…" She said lifting up the dark fabric of the kimono. "This is amazing."

The kimono was of silk, as according to the Internet, the very best are. But unlike most, the design was my own. The kimono was black, which is what Raye was concerned with, but the roses were red, with bluish white vines crisscrossing the design. Inside the roses were faint glyphs, more like unique stitching than actually part of the design.

"I know you wanted a kimono for the New Year festival, but were concerned about the expense, I thought you might like something a little more…"

"partnery?" Ruby asked, gesturing to the white vines, her eyes glistening.

"If you don't like it…" I began, fear rising in my belly.

I was silenced by a fierce hug, tight and strong like yang's but with a gentleness completely Ruby.

"I love it. Thank you so much, you're the best partner I could ever have." Ruby said with a surprising gentleness even for her. Her hug tightening ever so slightly. I smiled at that, it felt good to give people presents. I would have to give Yang and Blake theirs later. I had conveniently forgot them along with Ruby's. Suddenly Ruby released her grip on me and spread her arms. "I wanna try it on!" She said happily. I nodded; unable to express the joy I felt that she enjoyed the gift.

A few minute slater and we were back to or normal selves.

"You dolt! Stop moving, I just knotted my wrist to the belt!"

"I can't help it, why does it take so long to get on?"

"Ruby! Don't move! Don't move!"

"Ah! Sorry Weiss!"

Well, she enjoyed the gift, and she looked gorgeous in it, I couldn't have asked for more from the Christmas season.

* * *

Finis

* * *

And Roman:

Roman stood in the middle of the street, looking left and right. He was horribly lost. He had been chasing emerald when he had lost track of her leaving the building. He had decided to go on a stroll to ease his frustration, he would see emerald again and he would make her pay.

He turned a corner to see several heavily tattooed men running with a cash register. Sticking his foot out he tripped one of the men. Causing him to tumble and the cash register to crash on the ground.

The other man pulled out a gun and spoke what to rRman was more or less gibberish.

"Speak English you idiot." He muttered before quickly disabling the other man with a strike from his cane. Roman looked at the two unconscious men. He shrugged before picking up the cash register and strolling away.

He chuckled, pleased that chasing after Emerald had not been a total waste. He grinned and turned as he heard one of the men moan. He hefted the Cash register up. Waving, he opened his mouth.

"Hey, Merry Christmas!"

* * *

I hope you enjoyed this little piece of insanity. Leave your thoughts in the review, please check out my other stories, and have a merry Christmas and happy Holidays.

 

Special thanks to Hirshja and BraveKid for their opinions.


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